29
Feb
08

Dillsnap Cogitations Search Terms

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As is customary in WordPress circles, I felt compelled to dedicate a post to the humorous search terms that people have used to find this site. I shouldn’t be surprised at many of them considering the smorgasboard of random and nonsensical bullshit that I write about. Nonetheless, some sheila (or bloke) took the time to type the following words in a box and press search. Here are some of my favorites.

  • hillary senator from poon (Mentioning the name Hillary and the word poon in the same sentence should be a crime)
  • poetry molested (A novel concept. I dunno why, but it reminds me of an awful joke. What do you do after you get done fucking a vegetable? Answer: Put her back in the wheelchair)
  • cost A gram of tina meth crystal (As a cost-conscious consumer, I always like to check the market price for my illegal purchases. Just remember that the government is monitoring your Google search terms)
  • is it easier to catch flies with vinegar (I think this theory needs a bit more empirical research, but maybe that is what they was up to)
  • Joel Osteen is the antichrist (Actually Ban Ki-moon is the anti-Christ, but why quibble over trivialities?)
  • propelling a turd (I have had a few cases of explosive diarrhea, but this is a new one on me. Maybe it could be done with a small C-4 charge, but my colon is very risk averse these days.
  • asexual butterfly (Possibly a sexual position for the eunuchs?)
  • pen to smoke meth (I usually use a glass pipe or Coors Lite can, but these probably come in handy when you are operating on the down-low)
  • will you shave my coin purse (This quote is from my favorite episode of Family Guy. Stewie is about to enter a competitive swimming competition and needs to reduce water drag. He is standing on the bathroom counter and shaving off all of his body hair. When Brian enters the bathroom, Stewie asks him if he will do the honors. A friggin’ classic)
  • luftwafe UFO (I know the Nazis were into some supernatural occult shit, but I had no idea that they enlisted E.T. to carpet-bomb London in 1940)
  • “how to properly jerk off” (I could have wrote the book on that one, but it would have taken all the fun out of the youngster’s exploratory learning adventures)
  • us-senator soulless eyes demonic hill (Agreed)
  • compressed air to empty pig skulls (Why I will never eat swine again)
  • stories on forced tit milking of slaves (I prefer voluntary tit milking, but who am I to judge?)
  • breath play noose (Michael Hutchence took all the fun out of it for me. Can you say devil inside?)
  • purple headed warrior (The blood engorged mayonnaise cannon that is always ready to do battle with a formidable set of female guts)
  • joel osteen douchebag (Truer words have never been typed)
  • antichrist calculator (I think Texas Instruments beta-tested that one in the 90’s)
  • taste of pumpkin symptom (If that is the symptom, what is the affliction?)
  • marta bus bitch (There is one on every route)

16 Responses to “Dillsnap Cogitations Search Terms”


  1. March 3, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    I laughed outloud at some of these!

    too funny.

    My name BarnGoddess brings up some weird shit.I dont wanna go there….

  2. 2 Tubby Abrams
    March 3, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    No, please. Go there. I beg you.

  3. 3 Terry Fields
    March 3, 2008 at 10:20 pm

    Pardon me, sir, but I lost my I.D. in… in a flood and I’d like to get some Old Harper, hard stuff. Would you mind buying a bottle for me?

  4. March 5, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Peeps. Why on earth would your site come up from searching “propelling a turd?” I’m sort of hesitant on doing the search on Google myself; as I wouldn’t wan’t the Government to think I searched for that phrase just for GP. And I’m sure you have an idea of my employer if you’ve ever looked up my usual ip. Just curious. Most searches I get are for a nude pic of Sarah Baartman; go figure.

    Johnnypeeper’s response:

    Not sure. I did use the words “turd” and “propelling” in my crystal-meth post though. That is the most likely explanation for someone using those search words to find me. What is GP? I dunno know who Sarah Baartman is (was she in Buffy the Vampire Slayer?) I mostly get nude pic requests for Tyra Banks because of this post.

    P.S. I read about Sarah Baartman. You get those hits because people are searching for images of her and you have a picture of her on your site.

  5. March 5, 2008 at 11:55 pm

    These are hilarious. I’ve never checked my search engine thingies. I just don’t wanna know. I also love the Family Guy. Best show ever!

  6. March 6, 2008 at 4:14 am

    lol, if you read, my search engine terms, you will laugh for one hour.. đŸ˜€
    For example they search for “hypocrite” or “highlighted hair” (!) and they reach my blog. :-/

  7. March 6, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    @Peeps. GP=General Purpose. Also, I knew they were searching for Sarah, but why nude – I get over 100 search terms each day to see Sarah nude. Her story was so tragic. I’m glad she’s back home.

    Johnnypeeper’s response:

    They want to see her nude mostly because of her bulbous rear end. People from her part of Africa store their fat in their behinds creating a large shelf-like rump. Also, it is reported that she had gigantic labia folds that hung down from her privates. Since this was a novelty in Western Europe, where she was forced to perform, stand, and do tricks, White people on the Internets are real interested in seeing what she looked like.

    They click on the jpg. that leads to your site in the hopes that you have more pictures of her. White folks is real demented and want to find any reason to claim Blacks are inferior. I wouldn’t pay em no mind Cordie. Or…You could put a big sign next to the picture when it opens up on your site calling them sickos for wanting to see images of a poor tortured soul who gave her life for European curiosity and cheap sexual thrills.

  8. 8 Queen Samantha
    March 6, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Search terms used to find my blog aren’t nearly as interesting or creative. Maybe I need to spice things up.

  9. April 22, 2008 at 11:20 am

    Think of that word ‘angel trap’ a term they use at the underground Air Force bases such as”Here at the base we have alien technology that keeps an angel spirit in a magnetic cage for years. We smother them with our bad vibes our bad voices and even use gamma-alpha radiation on them to do them harm, they cant escape it.” Dont trust the secret government!

  10. April 22, 2008 at 11:42 am

    They will escape very soon Scott. Their family members are buzzing the skies in Arizona and Florida as a gentle warning to our leaders. Soon contact will be made, thought it may end in World-wide carnage and bloodshed for many.

  11. 11 Taylor
    April 22, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    Peepers, why is Ban Ki Moonbat the anti-christ?

    Also, the lights in the sky are military para shoots with flairs attached on the corners. (or just secret Air Force plane tech that has not been released yet)

    Johnnypeeper’s response:

    Ban ki-Moon is the head of the One World government organization, the United Nations. He will oversee the global unification effort and usher us into 7 years of famine, war, disaster, starvation, and human suffering. His reign of terror will usher Christ’s 2nd return. I cannot disclose my source for Ban ki-Moon’s identification as the anti-Christ. I Recommend you read the Book of John and Revelations from the New Testament.

    What is a para shoot? Maybe you are not ready for our visitors, but I have an overwhelming sense of calm. Our masters are returning to guide us into a more peaceful direction. They mean no will will. Our Earth government leaders will attempt to usher us into a mindset of fear and panic, but they will be denied their nefarious agenda (read about Kissinger and Reagan warning us against the alien invasion).

  12. 12 Taylor
    April 22, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    I have read the book of Revelations.

    And mathematically it is impossible that life exists in the Universe, matter of fact, the fact that there is life here is beyond logic.

    A parashoot is what people sky-dive with.

    I thought Obama was the Anti-Christ…his term ends in 2012, and he is a “messenger of peace” with many followers (Hamas, Weather Underground, al aqsa brigade, etc, etc)

    Johnnypeeper’s response:

    Mathematically anything is possible in an infinite universe, but thanks for your input. Stephen Hawking would disagree with your assertion as well.

    http://www.space.com/news/080421-hawking-aliens-space.html

    I think the word you were looking for is parachute.

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/parachute

    Obama is not the anti-Christ, though he will be America’s next president.

  13. 13 Taylor
    April 22, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    You could make the argument that Obama would be the head of the “one world Gov’t” or NATO.

    But then again you could argue that Ackmadinejiad is it too.

    Johnnypeeper’s response:

    I would love to hear your position on how Ahmadinejad could be the leader of the One World Government, especially given Iran’s insignificant economic and military position on the World stage. Well if Sean Hannity said it than it must be true. You’re a great American Taylor!

  14. 14 Taylor
    April 22, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    On Aliens:

    If this is public knowledge to the common people, it means we have had this tech for probably around 20 year.

    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352114,00.html

    So what is in the sky now that we don’t know about? The USAF has lots of tricks up their sleeves, that we will not even know the extent of for many years to come, can’t you concede that fact that some UFO sightings are just USAF planes in the sky either patrolling or being tested?

    Johnnypeeper’s response:

    Sure, many of them are, but not all. do some research on “Project Bluebook” when you get some free time. Our government has compiled thousands of documents on UFO sightings.

  15. 15 Taylor
    April 22, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    What’s with your obsession with Sean Hannity?

    Johnnypeeper’s response:

    Secretly I envy Hannity because he is everything I am not. His manly appearance is immaculate, he is articulate and knowledgeful, and he has the faith in our fearless leader George W. Bush that I do not have the strength to muster. Also, I lust for his meaty loins, though I know I am forbidden to taste them. Sean is truly a great American.

  16. 16 Taylor
    April 22, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    That’s what I figured.


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Johnny Peepers

----> is a socio-pathetic degenerate with a penchant for cheap booze, ruphy-laden broads, and dim sum soup.

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