The above image was taken from a brochure that was mailed to my old man. He is getting up there in years and has been stricken with a horrendous case of erectile dysfunction (soft dick syndrome). Unfortunately, he is also an easy mark who falls prey to every two-bit con artist hustler on the idiot box who promises a rock hard meat stick and the stamina of our most beloved male pornographic performers. As a result, he has ordered quite a few sexual enhancement products over the years and is on dozens of mailing lists.
Every so often I have to urge him to return these products before the trial period expires so he can get his money back from the cons and the hucksters. I explained to him that male virility (and the blood engorged impaler) fulfills the biological necessity of procreation, and is not a tool for the sinful self-abuse of seniors. I pray every night to the Blessed Mother Virgin Mary teet-suckling baby Jesus that he will permanently reject these Luciferean pills, lotions, and erotic devices, seek eternal forgiveness for his corporeal sins, and bathe in the blood of the lamb.