In a recent Harris Interactive poll, our fearless and awe-inspiring leader, President Barack H. Obama, edged out the Prince of Peace as America’s greatest hero. Jesus was bumped from the coveted position in a bitter contest that pitted the savior and redeemer of mankind against the magnificent unifier from Chicago, whose recent ascendancy heralded a transformative event in American politics.
Though it may be disconcerting to the throngs of Bible-thumping mouth-breathers who desperately cling to their 2000+ year old fairy tales and rapture fantasies, Jesus just does not have what it takes to protect national security and ensure America’s hegemonic role as World Cop in the 21st century. Though America is still considered a Christian nation, an overwhelming majority support the use of military force to defeat the enemy. George W. Bush, whose primary political base consisted of Christians, was an ardent proponent of preemptive warfare. President Obama, who also received huge support from Christian Americans, has courageously donned the commander-in-chief boots to tackle the War on Terror head-on.
The 2008 election was a forceful rejection of the anachronistic, weak-kneed, turn-the-other-cheek religious philosophy, that if allowed to infect our leaders’ resolve, would certainly usher in the end of the greatest country that ever graced the face of Earth. Instead, I am confident that Obama will engage in a “spread the cheeks” militant foreign policy that will put the terrorists, freedom-haters, and two-bit dictators on a permanent state of notice that reads – don’t even think about it muthafuckas!
Jesus would not have had the guts, or the testicular fortitude, to maintain George W. Bush’s War on Islamo-Fascist Terror. Obama is undaunted by the treasonous moralizers and leftist pantywaists who ceaselessly whine and moan about war crimes, human rights abuses, torture, Geneva Convention violations, and other spurious charges that have no basis in fact. The Hate America first crowd is intent on weakening the president’s authority and America’s hyper-power status in order to realize their post-Armageddon religious utopia or their One World government socialist nightmare (depending on which pudding-brained nutball you ask).
Thankfully, two days after assuming office, President Obama wisely preserved the Rendition program (free airfare/mystery destination travel package for under-privileged terrorists). This is an incredibly useful weapon in the War on Terror arsenal that allows the CIA to secretly kidnap bad people anywhere in the World and transport them to countries where the laws allow for more *effective* interrogations. The Rendition program is likely to expand under Obama, allowing for more Islamo-Nazis to be disappeared, beaten, electrocuted, and sexually traumatized (just like the scum at Club Gitmo) in black prisons around the globe.
Another reason that Obama beat our Jesus for #1 hero is his decision to ramp up the fight on the Afghanistan front. On the campaign trail, Obama continually argued that more attention must be paid to the region where the 9/11 attacks originated. By sending in an additional 17,000 troops with the Afghan surge, the president is sending a loud and clear message to Bin Laden and his al-Qaeda network – America will not lose its terror obliterating resolve. Obama’s decision to launch the Afghan surge, coupled with his green light on the predator drone attacks and black operations in Pakistan, will further our goals of completely eradicating the Islamic terrorist menace.
While Jesus is certainly an important astro-theological redeemer/savior archetype, his religious prescription is a recipe for disaster in the modern era. In the old days, the worst that could happen to you was a slap in the face, an ass-kicking, or a club against the head. It isn’t so easy to love your enemy when the haters of humanity have suicide bombers, airplane hijackers, and weapons of mass destruction at their disposal. The Harris poll identifying President Obama as America’s greatest hero reflects this understanding.
True patriotic Americans, unswayed by the continuous cacophony emitting from the Christian cowards and the naive, far-left, pacifist, granola-eaters, embraced a unflinching leader in the 2008 election – one who is not afraid to take the fight to the radical Islamic ratholes where the enemy mocks our fallen citizens. Please support America’s hero President Obama and his dedication to the War on Terror to ensure the preservation of democracy and freedom across the globe.
We have real enemies in the world. These enemies must be found. They must be pursued and they must be defeated ~President Barack H. Obama