Archive for the 'Culture' Category
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To amuse myself, often times I will attempt to translate gangster and misogynist rap music lyrics into academically precise and excessively clinical language. The goal is to clarify the rapper’s intended meaning for the (imaginary) uninitiated, non-urban listener. I also engage in this word substitution game when I overhear people on the street employing urban slang or street talk¹.
Gangsta rap lyrics are immeasurably amusing to translate due to their depth of meaning and emotionally-charged content (often detailing acts of extreme physical violence and barbarous sexual assault crimes committed against women). The purpose of the game is to juxtapose the explicit savagery of the gangsta rap lyric against a sterilized and verbose restatement of the lyric’s content reworded to nullify the inflammatory tone.
As a way of contextualizing this mental activity, I pretend that I am a foreign visitor who is semi-fluent in English (but slang-ignorant). In order to comprehend what I am hearing, I must substitute a large number of the words in order to clarify the content of the gangsta rap lyric. Other times, I imagine myself as a pedantic English professor who is mentally critiquing the rapper. As the professor, I make it my duty to red-line the grammatically offending lyrics since they are an affront to all for which I stand. The professor then silently instructs the rapping dullard on the proper way that he or she should verbally express their tales of criminal exploits and women-hatred.
Below is an example of how I employ the rap music lyric word substitution/clarification technique.
The lyric below is from the Eazy-E song Still Talkin’ and is on the deceased Mr. E’s 1988 debut album, Eazy-Duz-It (the complete lyrics to Still Talkin’ and many other fine Eazy-E songs can be found here).
Psychopathic, but the hoes are attracted
Because, when I’m on hard, my dicks at least a yard
First line translation/clarification:
Despite the fact that I have a personality disorder characterized by an abnormal lack of empathy combined with strongly amoral conduct but masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal, prostitutes with little or no monetary focus find me sexually appealing.
Second line translation/clarification:
The aforementioned women find me sexually appealing for the reason that when the two tubular structures that run the length of my penis, the corpora cavernosa, become engorged with venous blood (due to a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors occurring before and during exposure to sexually-arousing stimuli), the welling, hardening and enlargement of my penis results in an erection that measures a full three feet (thirty-six inches) in length.
¹ For instance, when I am in a bodega buying my daily lottery ticket and I overhear an urban outdoorsman request that the cashier “gimme a loosey”, I know that the gentleman is directing the store clerk to reach behind the counter and retrieve a single cigarette from a broken pack to sell him at an inflated price. Although this is an illegal act, the clerk recognizes that market forces of supply and demand in an underground economy will ultimately determine the store’s financial survival (and more importantly – his/her job security). The store clerk’s tacit agreement with the gentleman and his/her willingness to complete this illegal transaction occurs notwithstanding the minimal threat of a criminal conviction (with its attendant fines and/or period of incarceration).
My favorite propaganda poster from Terry Gilliam’s exceptional film, Brazil (1985).
Twelve American soldiers face charges over a secret “kill team” that allegedly blew up and shot Afghan civilians at random and collected their fingers as trophies.
Five of the soldiers are charged with murdering three Afghan men who were allegedly killed for sport in separate attacks this year. Seven others are accused of covering up the killings and assaulting a recruit who exposed the murders when he reported other abuses, including members of the unit smoking hashish stolen from civilians.
Foreign news articles like the one above pose a grave threat to national security in a post-9-11 world and should be censored in the U.S. Not only does this type of propaganda stoke the fire of global anti-American sentiment, but our freedoms and safety are threatened when America’s moral high ground in the execution of the War of Terror® is undermined. Free speech must always yield to the greater interests of national security and idealogical unity.
America is fully justified in taking the battle to the Mohammadan terrorist menace wherever it hides. This justification extends to the killing of non-terrorist men, women, and even little Muslim babies. Though they may technically be classified as non-combatants under international law, those who dwell in and around hotbeds of regional terrorist activity are potential future terrorists, including offspring. The position of slaughtering “gentile babies” to eliminate future threats is fully supported under Talmudic “halachic” law as expressed by Israeli rabbi, Yitzhak Shapira:
“There is justification for killing babies if it is clear that they will grow up to harm us, and in such a situation they may be harmed deliberately, and not only during combat with adults.”
To some this may be an extreme position. I caution those of this mind to remember the events of 9-11 as we enter into the ninth anniversary of patriotic mourning for our fallen heroes. Almost 3,000 of America’s bravest and hardest workers sacrificed their lives when 19 Arab hijackers engaged in a conspiracy to outwit the most sophisticated air defense system in the World, defied previously accepted laws of aerodynamics by flying airplanes into buildings at impossible speeds, and accomplished the incredible feat of knocking down three NYC skyscrapers with only two planes.
Following the 9-11 attacks, patriotic Americans fully supported the invasion and occupation of Afghanistan and Iraq. These military campaigns were necessary to exact brutal revenge on the Muslim people (a.k.a. potential future terrorists) wherever they lived to prevent another 9-11 type attack. Our brave political leaders and fearless generals delivered the Islamisists an undeniable message that terror is absolutely unacceptable under any circumstance. When the terror stops they might get their country back, it’s that simple people!
Some mistakenly argue that since a majority of the 9-11 perpetrators were Saudi Arabians (15 of the 19), including 9-11 terror mastermind Bin Laden (who methodically a plotted the brazen attacks on his laptop in an Afghan cave between his dialysis treatments), the U.S. should have instead bombed Saudi Arabia. Had the U.S. done so, diplomatic relations and countless high-dollar contracts would have been jeopardized. The Bush family, high officials in the Bush (and now Obama) administration, oil and gas corporations, and military defense contractors (who were supplying the Saudis with weapons, missile systems, and critical infrastructure protections) would have suffered severe economic harm as a result of a Saudi invasion. Invading Saudi Arabia would have also likely disrupted oil production leading to skyrocketing gas prices which would have negatively affected the U.S. economy. What’s good for business is good for America.
Muslim countries are pretty much interchangeable as each is a proxy for the overarching terrorist mindset that has infested their religion and culture, thus making it perfectly acceptable to invade any, or all of them. When the terror attacks stop, the U.S. soldiers and corporate mercenaries may or may not come home depending on the attitude of the Muslim people, among other factors (e.g., the full depletion of all natural resources, global opium demand forecasting, oil and gas pipeline completion timetables, and regional stability guaranteeing the safety and secured hegemonic status of our greatest ally, Israel.) In other words, don’t hold your breath, Achmed!
Like it or lump it Muslim people, America is in it for the long haul in the War of Terror®. President Obama has boldly demonstrated his commitment to forcefully restore peace in the Middle East and Afghanistan, and to protect the homeland from crazed jihadists. Through the implementation of innovative homeland security measures (i.e., increased government surveillance, restrictions on free speech, eroding terrorist friendly 4th Amendment protections, and the deployment of the Internet kill-switch), Obama has put every American back into the national security driver’s seat.
The Clash of Civilizations will result in an eventual victor, and it will not have an Islamic face. Osama bin Laden and his jihadist fly-boys should have thought of that before they single-handedly perpetrated the 9-11 attacks (without any help from the neo-con cabal, rogue members of the military-intelligence community, or foreign intelligence services and their domestic allies). Know this – the Christian/Judeo monotheistic religion tag-team can not, and WILL NOT, be beaten.