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To amuse myself, often times I will attempt to translate gangster and misogynist rap music lyrics into academically precise and excessively clinical language. The goal is to clarify the rapper’s intended meaning for the (imaginary) uninitiated, non-urban listener. I also engage in this word substitution game when I overhear people on the street employing urban slang or street talk¹.
Gangsta rap lyrics are immeasurably amusing to translate due to their depth of meaning and emotionally-charged content (often detailing acts of extreme physical violence and barbarous sexual assault crimes committed against women). The purpose of the game is to juxtapose the explicit savagery of the gangsta rap lyric against a sterilized and verbose restatement of the lyric’s content reworded to nullify the inflammatory tone.
As a way of contextualizing this mental activity, I pretend that I am a foreign visitor who is semi-fluent in English (but slang-ignorant). In order to comprehend what I am hearing, I must substitute a large number of the words in order to clarify the content of the gangsta rap lyric. Other times, I imagine myself as a pedantic English professor who is mentally critiquing the rapper. As the professor, I make it my duty to red-line the grammatically offending lyrics since they are an affront to all for which I stand. The professor then silently instructs the rapping dullard on the proper way that he or she should verbally express their tales of criminal exploits and women-hatred.
Below is an example of how I employ the rap music lyric word substitution/clarification technique.
The lyric below is from the Eazy-E song Still Talkin’ and is on the deceased Mr. E’s 1988 debut album, Eazy-Duz-It (the complete lyrics to Still Talkin’ and many other fine Eazy-E songs can be found here).
Psychopathic, but the hoes are attracted
Because, when I’m on hard, my dicks at least a yard
First line translation/clarification:
Despite the fact that I have a personality disorder characterized by an abnormal lack of empathy combined with strongly amoral conduct but masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal, prostitutes with little or no monetary focus find me sexually appealing.
Second line translation/clarification:
The aforementioned women find me sexually appealing for the reason that when the two tubular structures that run the length of my penis, the corpora cavernosa, become engorged with venous blood (due to a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors occurring before and during exposure to sexually-arousing stimuli), the welling, hardening and enlargement of my penis results in an erection that measures a full three feet (thirty-six inches) in length.
ΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦ
¹ For instance, when I am in a bodega buying my daily lottery ticket and I overhear an urban outdoorsman request that the cashier “gimme a loosey”, I know that the gentleman is directing the store clerk to reach behind the counter and retrieve a single cigarette from a broken pack to sell him at an inflated price. Although this is an illegal act, the clerk recognizes that market forces of supply and demand in an underground economy will ultimately determine the store’s financial survival (and more importantly – his/her job security). The store clerk’s tacit agreement with the gentleman and his/her willingness to complete this illegal transaction occurs notwithstanding the minimal threat of a criminal conviction (with its attendant fines and/or period of incarceration).
Related posts:
https://dillsnapcogitation.wordpress.com/2008/11/08/in-loving-memory-of-eric-eazy-e-wright/
https://dillsnapcogitation.wordpress.com/2008/07/16/my-mind-is-playing-tricks-on-me-geto-boys/
30
Sep
10
STOP NEEDLESS NOISE
Dillsnap Cogitations reader comment from bespeakme:
The funniest things about this site are the comments from people who appear to actually take this writer seriously- or – am I missing something? I mean are you folks for real? And the absolute funniest part, he affects this surreal and spiritual voice talking
about Jesus and not having a job, and he blows his cover when the male element calls him a name like fuck face or ass wipe- and he starts getting all teenage testosteroney and swinging his fists around: “From the looks of your avatar, it is clear that you were stuck down the fat-headed gumshoe Cro-magnon flu.” Nonetheless, fairly entertaining. Hilarious use of the language.
Johnny Peepers is having a bit of a personality crisis as of late. This is only a problem in that he is not sure which direction to take Dillsnap Cogitations. My lifestyle has calmed down considerably and I am not doing nearly the amount of drugs that I used to (due to recent emergency room scares, extreme money woes, and lack of insurance).
I reckon that I dunno what to write about these days. Conspiracy-mongering is so 2008, and the feel-good, New-Agey tripe is even too kooky for me to discourse on with any consistency. I thought about doing vegan recipe reviews or maybe step-by-step instructional blog posts on risque´ topics like booty-bumping and auto-fellation, but I don’t want to scare away my kid readers. I even considered dedicating all future posts to my one true love, Clay Aiken, but that would make me look desperate and stalker-ish in his eyes.
I certainly plan to keep my relationship with Jesus a central focus of Dillsnap Cogitations. Were it not for his supreme sacrifice, all of humanity would be mired in a putrid bucket of sin and depravity (much like the conditions experienced by residents of New Jersey and Mississippi).
Jesus and his vengeful, sky god daddy (YWEH) have a divine plan for me. This plan includes me taking to my knees daily and mouthing pleasing words to the MOST HIGH, prostrating myself before the Lord in diligent obeyance, and ridding my mind of lusty and impure thoughts about men and women that I find sexually attractive. I will do my best to provide frequent updates with regards to the latter. Any advice or blog topic recommendations would be greatly appreciated these days.
Yours in Crisco,
Johnny Peepers
Johnny Peepers had the opportunity to snap a few photos at Dragon*Con this weekend. The annual Atlanta Sci-Fi/Fantasy freakfest is a scene to behold. Don’t take my word for it, judge for yourself. The following shots are from the parade on Saturday morning.
During the parade, your diligent and law enforcement-minded photographer witnessed a police officer repeatedly spitting tobacco juice in the street near small children. After reviewing Georgia law and local statutes, it appears that the officer was well within his rights to forcefully project saliva from his mouth onto a pubic street. The photo on the right is the product of the aforementioned bodily fluid expulsion.
Soon after the parade, I encountered a small unit of hardcore fundie holy-rollers. These cats were heaven-bent on saving some at-risk souls. The old dude in the photo below was screaming about how America’s leaders were going to hell because they were doing the Devil’s work. I asked him if George W. Bush was going to hell and he said “yes, but that he still has time to repent.” I got a real chuckle out of that. Also, for the record, Psalm 9:17 don’t say shit about no barbecues.
The following chaps were singled out for their individuality. I respectfully requested that they submit themselves to my camera for a permanent place in the historical record.
Boba Fett as a fat redneck and the ‘lil Aryan bootleg-era gangster deserve a shout-out.
Pops on the left (below) wanted to know why I wanted to photograph him because he was “just a taxi driver”. I told him he was so square that he was hip. I requested that he say “steel magnolias” right before the snap. He got a kick out of that. The fellow on the right had Hunter S. Thompson’s look and mannerisms down pat. He was a bit impatient with me, as he had numerous powders to snort and large caliber guns to discharge.
(CNN) –If you plan on going to Kure Beach, North Carolina, bring your sunscreen and shades, but please leave your thong behind. The seaside community has adopted a zero tolerance policy on anyone wearing the barely-there bikini by the shore on their part of North Carolina’s Pleasure Island, just south of Wilmington.
“You can do what you want to in your own space,” said Mayor Dean Lambeth, “but for public decency, keep it off the public beach.” Lambeth told CNN he and the town supervisors last week unanimously approved the ordinance banning the skimpy bathing wear. “Everything we do is family oriented. We like the small town atmosphere,” he said.
Section 12-32 of the Code of the Town of Kure Beach, which was adopted on April 22, makes it illegal “for any person being naked or insufficiently clothed … to bathe or swim in the Atlantic Ocean” or any other area within the town’s jurisdiction. Sun-bathing “naked or insufficiently clothed” is also banned. “Thong bathing suits or similar attire are specifically prohibited,” the code says. Anyone wearing a thong on the beach will be fined $25.
Lambeth said reaction to the no-thong policy has been overwhelmingly positive. “I have gotten probably 100 e-mails from all over the U.S. supporting our stance,” he told CNN. “I’m getting calls from New York, California that they are glad somebody is finally taking a stand for public decency.”
Lambeth, who said Kure Beach’s population swells from 2,500 to 11,000 in the summer, described the town as “nice, slow-mo and conservative.” “We’re just a small southern community, and that’s how we’re going to keep it,” he said.
He also suspected the decision on the thongs could end up in court and blamed liberals for that. “You can file a suit — the way this country is leaning so far left, it wouldn’t surprise me,” he said. “They want to challenge it? They want to spend the money? Go for it.” Lambeth said people can wear thongs in their homes and backyards. And with his policy in place, he told CNN he’s content.
“I’m sitting out here looking at the ocean and don’t see a damn thong in sight.”
Source: Washington Post (corporate media propagandist outlet)
Federal health officials are investigating the first hints of any possible significant complications from the H1N1 vaccine, but stressed that the concerns will probably turn out to be a false alarm.
The latest analysis of data has detected what could be a somewhat elevated rate of Guillain-Barré syndrome, which can cause paralysis and death; Bell’s palsy, a temporary facial paralysis; and thrombocytopenia, which is a low level of blood platelets, officials reported Friday.
Officials stressed that it is far too early to know whether the vaccine was increasing the risk of those conditions or whether there is some other explanation, such as doctors identifying more cases because of the intensive effort to pinpoint any safety problems with the vaccine.
Federal “officials” stress that the early reports will probably turn out to be a false alarm. These are the same officials whose job security is dependent on protecting the pharmaceutical industrial complex where they cut their pointy little teeth. The next quote calls into question the prophetic skills of these ethically compromised, corporate pawn, bureaucrats.
“We’re at the first step of determining whether there is a problem,” Guthrie S. Birkhead, who chairs the Health and Human Services Department’s National Vaccine Advisory Committee. “There’s a lot more work to determine whether there is.”
The vaccine was administered to 350 million to 400 million people worldwide, including as many as 80 million Americans, as part of an unprecedented response to the first flu pandemic in decades.
See related post:
Dead Kennedys – Government Flu (H1N1 Swine Vaccine Blues)
This is a direct appeal to anyone who reads this. Please file your tax return by tomorrow’s deadline (April 15th). Ensuring that the State is adequately funded is a civic, legal, and moral duty for every U.S. citizen. The U.S. Treasury is facing the threat of severe under-funding due to the current economic meltdown, corporate offshore tax havens, and greedy deadbeats who refuse to fulfill their end of the social contract.
The safety and security of Americans home and abroad is strengthened when patriotic and responsible citizens fulfill their legal obligations under the I.R.S. tax code. The criminal reprobates who refuse to pay taxes selfishly place our country in great risk from the threat of aggressive nations, state-sponsored terrorists, and rogue Islamic jihadist murderers who hate Americans for our multitudinous freedoms and liberties.
How might your failure to pay taxes put millions of Americans home and abroad in peril? Military spending accounts for 53% of the U.S. budget. Therefore, when you fail to pay your taxes, the world for Americans becomes less safe by more than half. Here are some concrete examples of how military spending protects you and your fellow citizens from those that hate you and your way of life.
- MILITARY SPENDING FIGURES – U.S. military spending for FY08 was $623 billion compared to the $500 billion aggregate military spending of all other countries combined. Under President Obama’s wise leadership, $708 billion has been requested for FY11 (which will make the U.S. about 13% safer than three years ago).
- Since the U.S. spends more on military spending than all other countries combined, this guarantees that if all other countries conspire to attack us at once, they will be destroyed.
- Although President Obama’s nuke reduction bluff will decrease the stockpile of atomic weapons in foreign nations, increased annual military spending acts as an insurance policy against emerging WMD technologies that the Asians are probably developing.
- IRAQ WAR – The CBO estimates that by 2017 total costs for the War in Iraq could reach $1.9 trillion dollars (partially due to interest from debt financing).
- Iraq is teeming with angry Muhammadists (due to the +1 million civilian war casualties) and a fragile government that will likely never achieve self-governing stability.
- Ongoing military presence in Iraq will protect continuous petroleum supplies for the U.S. and global markets by safe-guarding BP and Dutch Shell drilling and refining operations and by derailing irresponsible nationalization efforts.
- The continuing occupation of Iraq will act as a safeguard against attempts to reinstate their WMD program, torture facilities, and rape rooms.
Below: What happens to bad people in Iraq who defy U.S. military personnel
- AFGHANISTAN WAR – The total cost of the Afghanistan War (Operation Enduring Freedom) is roughly $300 billion dollars. President Obama’s recent brave decision to ramp up the war by sending 30,000 additional troops (and 56,000 disposable contractors) sends an unmistakable message to the terrorists that America will never lose its resolve in the War of Terror.
- Continuing Afghan operations will ensure that Osama bin Laden, and his fellow cave people conspirators responsible for the 9-11 attacks, will eventually be brought to justice.
- Military incursions and random drone bombings in the Afghanistan-Pakistan region will dissuade potential Islamic radicals from choosing terrorism as a career option.
- U.S. military presence in the country will generate friendly relations in Central Asia by ensuring the Trans-Afghanistan Oil Pipeline (TAP) meets its 2014 construction deadline.
- Success in the War in Afghanistan will guarantee that the World will respect (and fear) our country when they see that America succeeded where Alexander the Great and the Soviets failed miserably.
- U.S. military presence in Afghanistan provides security to opium harvesting operations. This will promote goodwill among international drug cartels, pharmaceutical corporations, junkies, and pain-ridden recipients of opiate prescriptions.
- PROJECTED MILITARY POWER
- The Department of Defense owns over 600,000 individual buildings and structures, at more than 6,000 locations, on more than 30 million acres.
- An estimated 1,000 of these military installations are in foreign countries (potential enemies).
- Over 250,000 active duty military personnel are deployed in 135 countries (out of 195 countries in the World). Until 100% global U.S. military saturation is achieved, the 60 unoccupied countries pose a potential grave threat to national security.
Please do the right thing on April 15th. The survival of future generations of Americans hinges on your willingness to contribute to the defense of this great nation. If you choose to avoid this obligation, you will be hunted down, criminally charged, and imprisoned like the vile scum that you are.
From this article:
RICHMOND – Western Prince William Del. Bob Marshall, R-13th, says disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.
He made that statement last Thursday at a press conference to oppose state funding for Planned Parenthood.
“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” said Marshall, a Republican.
“In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”
Robert Anton Wilson wrote about the 23 Enigma in several books and articles, including The Illuminatus! Trilogy and Cosmic Trigger Volume 1. In the latter, Wilson wrote:
In the early ’60’s in Tangiers, William Burroughs knew a certain Captain Clark who ran a ferry from Tangiers to Spain. One day, Clark said to Burroughs that he’d been running the ferry 23 years without an accident. That very day the ferry sank, killing Clark and everyone aboard.
In the evening, Burroughs was thinking about this when he turned on the radio. The first newscast headlined the crash of an airline plane on the New York-Miami route. The pilot was another Captain Clark and the flight was listed as Flight 23.
Burroughs began keeping records of odd coincidences. To his astonishment, 23s appeared in a lot of them. When he told me this, I began keeping my own records – and 23s appeared in many of them.
The other day I had an amazing bout of cosmic coincidence relating to Robert Anton Wilson and the numbers 666 and 23. Within the span of an hour, the following occurred:
(1) While browsing in a bookstore near the customer service counter, I overheard a bloke inquire as to whether they had any RAW books in stock. He asked specifically about The Illuminatus! Trilogy.
(2) Immediately thereafter, I went next door to do a bit of grocery shopping. While waiting in the checkout line, the cashier notified the woman in front of me that the cost of her purchase was $6.66. RAW’s work focused on many occult topics, including Aleister Crowley, the infamous magus. Crowley identified himself as the Great Beast 666 (.666=2/3), and he began his study of magic at the age 23.
(3) While stopped at a red light on the drive home, I glanced over at the local weekly paper on my passenger seat. On the cover was a picture of an attractive young lass who was being profiled inside. I quickly flipped to the article and learned that she was a barista at Starbucks – the very same Starbucks that my car was stopped right in front of. On page 23 of the weekly, there is an advertisement featuring a picture of the lass. The Starbucks where she works, and where I was sitting, is located on Highway 23.
Which brings me to the horrific domestic terrorist act that occurred in Austin, Texas. The 23 Enigma once again rears its naughty little head when one adds up the numbers of the date of the attack. February 18, 2010 (2+18+2+0+1+0=23). This finding takes on greater synchromystic significance when compared to the “War of Terror” spawning event that greatly reshaped our World. The date of 9-11-2001 also adds up to the number 23 (9+11+2+0+0+1=23).
Are the Masonic Scorcerors intentionally selecting numerologically significant dates to trigger a subconscious Pavlovian trauma response to staged terror events? Is the Cosmic Matrix Engineer (Multiverse Overmind) providing subtle clues for those with the time and inclination to admire its handiwork? Or, can the blogger’s focus on this matter be chalked up to a diseased mind and a healthy dose of selection/confirmation bias?
Joe Stack – domestic terrorist bass player
Joe Stack, the 53-year-old software engineer who allegedly flew a single engine aircraft into an Austin-based IRS office on Thursday morning, was more than just a criminal or possible domestic terrorist.
He was also a musician who played the bass and accordion in a band [the Billy Eli Band] that once crooned about how the world just isn’t made for autistic people. (source)
The video below is titled “The World Wasn’t Built for People with Autism” by the Billy Eli Band. Here you can find the band’s merchandising site that sells cool t-shirts and classic thongs (which are made in the USA).
As of today, the Askimet spam filtering software used by WordPress has protected me from exactly 6,660 messages.
Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS Man, let’s try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well – Joe Stack (1956-2010)
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