Archive for the 'Personal' Category

05
Oct
10

The Gangsta Rap Lyric Translation/Clarification Game

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To amuse myself, often times I will attempt to translate gangster and misogynist rap music lyrics into academically precise and excessively clinical language. The goal is to clarify the rapper’s intended meaning for the (imaginary) uninitiated, non-urban listener. I also engage in this word substitution game when I overhear people on the street employing urban slang or street talk¹.

Gangsta rap lyrics are immeasurably amusing to translate due to their depth of meaning and emotionally-charged content (often detailing acts of extreme physical violence and barbarous sexual assault crimes committed against women). The purpose of the game is to juxtapose the explicit savagery of the gangsta rap lyric against a sterilized and verbose restatement of the lyric’s content reworded to nullify the inflammatory tone.

As a way of contextualizing this mental activity, I pretend that I am a foreign visitor who is semi-fluent in English (but slang-ignorant). In order to comprehend what I am hearing, I must substitute a large number of the words in order to clarify the content of the gangsta rap lyric. Other times, I imagine myself as a pedantic English professor who is mentally critiquing the rapper. As the professor, I make it my duty to red-line the grammatically offending lyrics since they are an affront to all for which I stand. The professor then silently instructs the rapping dullard on the proper way that he or she should verbally express their tales of criminal exploits and women-hatred.

Below is an example of how I employ the rap music lyric word substitution/clarification technique.
The lyric below is from the Eazy-E song Still Talkin’ and is on the deceased Mr. E’s 1988 debut album, Eazy-Duz-It (the complete lyrics to Still Talkin’ and many other fine Eazy-E songs can be found here).

Psychopathic, but the hoes are attracted

Because, when I’m on hard, my dicks at least a yard

First line translation/clarification:

Despite the fact that I have a personality disorder characterized by an abnormal lack of empathy combined with strongly amoral conduct but masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal, prostitutes with little or no monetary focus find me sexually appealing.

Second line translation/clarification:

The aforementioned women find me sexually appealing for the reason that when the two tubular structures that run the length of my penis, the corpora cavernosa, become engorged with venous blood (due to a complex interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors occurring before and during exposure to sexually-arousing stimuli), the welling, hardening and enlargement of my penis results in an erection that measures a full three feet (thirty-six inches) in length.

ΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦΦ

¹ For instance, when I am in a bodega buying my daily lottery ticket and I overhear an urban outdoorsman request that the cashier “gimme a loosey”, I know that the gentleman is directing the store clerk to reach behind the counter and retrieve a single cigarette from a broken pack to sell him at an inflated price. Although this is an illegal act, the clerk recognizes that market forces of supply and demand in an underground economy will ultimately determine the store’s financial survival (and more importantly – his/her job security). The store clerk’s tacit agreement with the gentleman and his/her willingness to complete this illegal transaction occurs notwithstanding the minimal threat of a criminal conviction (with its attendant fines and/or period of incarceration).

Related posts:

https://dillsnapcogitation.wordpress.com/2008/11/08/in-loving-memory-of-eric-eazy-e-wright/

https://dillsnapcogitation.wordpress.com/2008/07/16/my-mind-is-playing-tricks-on-me-geto-boys/

28
Sep
10

Johnny Peepers, Clay Aiken, and Jesus

Dillsnap Cogitations reader comment from bespeakme:

The funniest things about this site are the comments from people who appear to actually take this writer seriously- or – am I missing something? I mean are you folks for real? And the absolute funniest part, he affects this surreal and spiritual voice talking about Jesus and not having a job, and he blows his cover when the male element calls him a name like fuck face or ass wipe- and he starts getting all teenage testosteroney and swinging his fists around: “From the looks of your avatar, it is clear that you were stuck down the fat-headed gumshoe Cro-magnon flu.” Nonetheless, fairly entertaining. Hilarious use of the language.

Johnny Peepers is having a bit of a personality crisis as of late. This is only a problem in that he is not sure which direction to take Dillsnap Cogitations. My lifestyle has calmed down considerably and I am not doing nearly the amount of drugs that I used to (due to recent emergency room scares, extreme money woes, and lack of insurance).

I reckon that I dunno what to write about these days. Conspiracy-mongering is so 2008, and the feel-good, New-Agey tripe is even too kooky for me to discourse on with any consistency. I thought about doing vegan recipe reviews or maybe step-by-step instructional blog posts on risque´ topics like booty-bumping and auto-fellation, but I don’t want to scare away my kid readers. I even considered dedicating all future posts to my one true love, Clay Aiken, but that would make me look desperate and stalker-ish in his eyes.

I certainly plan to keep my relationship with Jesus a central focus of Dillsnap Cogitations. Were it not for his supreme sacrifice, all of humanity would be mired in a putrid bucket of sin and depravity (much like the conditions experienced by residents of New Jersey and Mississippi).


Jesus and his vengeful, sky god daddy (YWEH) have a divine plan for me. This plan includes me taking to my knees daily and mouthing pleasing words to the MOST HIGH, prostrating myself before the Lord in diligent obeyance, and ridding my mind of lusty and impure thoughts about men and women that I find sexually attractive. I will do my best to provide frequent updates with regards to the latter. Any advice or blog topic recommendations would be greatly appreciated these days.

Yours in Crisco,

Johnny Peepers

22
Jul
10

The Lord’s Prayer (2010 J.P. Update)

Baby Jesus, who art in thy golden fleece manger,

adored be thy emaciated little Middle-eastern frame.

Thy off-planet vengeful tribal deity will be done,

on Pluto as it is on Uranus.

Give us our PlayStation and our TMZ,

and forgive us our Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity,

as we forgive the blowhards who trespass on our minds,

and lead us not into Aristotelian two-valued logic,

but deliver us from soul-crunching miscreants,

for thine is the kingdom,

and the power, and the glory,

forever and ever

Ramen (noodles).

19
Feb
10

The 23 Enigma + The Mad Plane Bomber of Austin (Music Video)

Robert Anton Wilson wrote about the 23 Enigma in several books and articles, including The Illuminatus! Trilogy and Cosmic Trigger Volume 1. In the latter, Wilson wrote:

In the early ’60’s in Tangiers, William Burroughs knew a certain Captain Clark who ran a ferry from Tangiers to Spain. One day, Clark said to Burroughs that he’d been running the ferry 23 years without an accident. That very day the ferry sank, killing Clark and everyone aboard.

In the evening, Burroughs was thinking about this when he turned on the radio. The first newscast headlined the crash of an airline plane on the New York-Miami route. The pilot was another Captain Clark and the flight was listed as Flight 23.

Burroughs began keeping records of odd coincidences. To his astonishment, 23s appeared in a lot of them. When he told me this, I began keeping my own records – and 23s appeared in many of them.

The other day I had an amazing bout of cosmic coincidence relating to Robert Anton Wilson and the numbers 666 and 23. Within the span of an hour, the following occurred:

(1) While browsing in a bookstore near the customer service counter,  I overheard a bloke inquire as to whether they had any RAW books in stock. He asked specifically about The Illuminatus! Trilogy.

(2) Immediately thereafter, I went next door to do a bit of grocery shopping. While waiting in the checkout line, the cashier notified the woman in front of me that the cost of her purchase was $6.66. RAW’s work focused on many occult topics, including Aleister Crowley, the infamous magus. Crowley identified himself as the Great Beast 666 (.666=2/3), and he began his study of magic at the age 23.

(3) While stopped at a red light on the drive home, I glanced over at the local weekly paper on my passenger seat. On the cover was a picture of an attractive young lass who was being profiled inside. I quickly flipped to the article and learned that she was a barista at Starbucks – the very same Starbucks that my car was stopped right in front of. On page 23 of the weekly, there is an advertisement featuring a picture of the lass. The Starbucks where she works, and where I was sitting, is located on Highway 23.

Which brings me to the horrific domestic terrorist act that occurred in Austin, Texas. The 23 Enigma once again rears its naughty little head when one adds up the numbers of the date of the attack. February 18, 2010 (2+18+2+0+1+0=23). This finding takes on greater synchromystic significance when compared to the “War of Terror” spawning event that greatly reshaped our World. The date of 9-11-2001 also adds up to the number 23 (9+11+2+0+0+1=23).

Are the Masonic Scorcerors intentionally selecting numerologically significant dates to trigger a subconscious Pavlovian trauma response to staged terror events? Is the Cosmic Matrix Engineer (Multiverse Overmind) providing subtle clues for those with the time and inclination to admire its handiwork? Or, can the blogger’s focus on this matter be chalked up to a diseased mind and a healthy dose of selection/confirmation bias?

Joe Stack – domestic terrorist bass player

Joe Stack, the 53-year-old software engineer who allegedly flew a single engine aircraft into an Austin-based IRS office on Thursday morning, was more than just a criminal or possible domestic terrorist.

He was also a musician who played the bass and accordion in a band [the Billy Eli Band] that once crooned about how the world just isn’t made for autistic people. (source)

The video below is titled “The World Wasn’t Built for People with Autism” by the Billy Eli Band. Here you can find the band’s merchandising site that sells cool t-shirts and classic thongs (which are made in the USA).

As of today, the Askimet spam filtering software used by WordPress has protected me from exactly 6,660  messages.

Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS Man, let’s try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well – Joe Stack (1956-2010)

05
Oct
09

Clay Aiken Why Have You Forsaken Me?

ClayAikenPicture

25
Mar
09

The Fool

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0
Zero
The Fool

With light step, as if earth and its trammels had little power to restrain him, a young man in gorgeous vestments pauses at the brink of a precipice among the great heights of the world; he surveys the blue distance before him – its expanse of sky rather than the prospect below. His act of eager walking is still indicated, though he is stationary at the given moment; his dog is still bounding. The edge which opens on the depth has no terror; it is as if the angels were waiting to uphold him, if it came about that he leaped from the height. His countenance is full of intelligence and expectant dream. He has a rose in one hand and in the other a costly wand, from which depends over his right shoulder a wallet curiously embroidered. He is a prince of the other world on his travels through this one – all amidst the morning glory, in the keen air. The sun, which shines behind him Knows whence he came, whither he is going, and how he will return by another path in many days. He is the spirit in search of experience. Many symbols of the Instituted Mysteries are summarized in this card, which reverses, under high warrants, all the confusions that have preceded it.

Source:   The Pictorial Key to the TarotArthur Waite

19
Feb
09

Two of my Favorite Ladies

princess




Johnny Peepers

----> is a socio-pathetic degenerate with a penchant for cheap booze, ruphy-laden broads, and dim sum soup.

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