Archive for the 'Religion' Category

28
Sep
10

Johnny Peepers, Clay Aiken, and Jesus

Dillsnap Cogitations reader comment from bespeakme:

The funniest things about this site are the comments from people who appear to actually take this writer seriously- or – am I missing something? I mean are you folks for real? And the absolute funniest part, he affects this surreal and spiritual voice talking about Jesus and not having a job, and he blows his cover when the male element calls him a name like fuck face or ass wipe- and he starts getting all teenage testosteroney and swinging his fists around: “From the looks of your avatar, it is clear that you were stuck down the fat-headed gumshoe Cro-magnon flu.” Nonetheless, fairly entertaining. Hilarious use of the language.

Johnny Peepers is having a bit of a personality crisis as of late. This is only a problem in that he is not sure which direction to take Dillsnap Cogitations. My lifestyle has calmed down considerably and I am not doing nearly the amount of drugs that I used to (due to recent emergency room scares, extreme money woes, and lack of insurance).

I reckon that I dunno what to write about these days. Conspiracy-mongering is so 2008, and the feel-good, New-Agey tripe is even too kooky for me to discourse on with any consistency. I thought about doing vegan recipe reviews or maybe step-by-step instructional blog posts on risque´ topics like booty-bumping and auto-fellation, but I don’t want to scare away my kid readers. I even considered dedicating all future posts to my one true love, Clay Aiken, but that would make me look desperate and stalker-ish in his eyes.

I certainly plan to keep my relationship with Jesus a central focus of Dillsnap Cogitations. Were it not for his supreme sacrifice, all of humanity would be mired in a putrid bucket of sin and depravity (much like the conditions experienced by residents of New Jersey and Mississippi).


Jesus and his vengeful, sky god daddy (YWEH) have a divine plan for me. This plan includes me taking to my knees daily and mouthing pleasing words to the MOST HIGH, prostrating myself before the Lord in diligent obeyance, and ridding my mind of lusty and impure thoughts about men and women that I find sexually attractive. I will do my best to provide frequent updates with regards to the latter. Any advice or blog topic recommendations would be greatly appreciated these days.

Yours in Crisco,

Johnny Peepers

10
Sep
10

Steadfeast Resolve: 9-11 and the War of Terror® (ninth-year anniversary)

Twelve American soldiers face charges over a secret “kill team” that allegedly blew up and shot Afghan civilians at random and collected their fingers as trophies.

Five of the soldiers are charged with murdering three Afghan men who were allegedly killed for sport in separate attacks this year. Seven others are accused of covering up the killings and assaulting a recruit who exposed the murders when he reported other abuses, including members of the unit smoking hashish stolen from civilians.

(source)

Foreign news articles like the one above pose a grave threat to national security in a post-9-11 world and should be censored in the U.S. Not only does this type of propaganda stoke the fire of global anti-American sentiment, but our freedoms and safety are threatened when America’s moral high ground in the execution of the War of Terror® is undermined. Free speech must always yield to the greater interests of national security and idealogical unity.

America is fully justified in taking the battle to the Mohammadan terrorist menace wherever it hides. This justification extends to the killing of non-terrorist men, women, and even little Muslim babies. Though they may technically be classified as non-combatants under international law, those who dwell in and around hotbeds of regional terrorist activity are potential future terrorists, including offspring. The position of slaughtering “gentile babies”  to eliminate future threats is fully supported under Talmudic “halachic” law as expressed by Israeli rabbi, Yitzhak Shapira:

There is justification for killing babies if it is clear that they will grow up to harm us, and in such a situation they may be harmed deliberately, and not only during combat with adults.”

To some this may be an extreme position. I caution those of this mind to remember the events of 9-11 as we enter into the ninth anniversary of patriotic mourning for our fallen heroes. Almost 3,000 of America’s bravest and hardest workers sacrificed their lives when 19 Arab hijackers engaged in a conspiracy to outwit the most sophisticated air defense system in the World, defied previously accepted laws of aerodynamics by flying airplanes into buildings at impossible speeds, and accomplished the incredible feat of knocking down three NYC skyscrapers with only two planes.

Following the 9-11 attacks, patriotic Americans fully supported the invasion and occupation of Afghanistan and Iraq. These military campaigns were necessary to exact brutal revenge on the Muslim people (a.k.a. potential future terrorists) wherever they lived to prevent another 9-11 type attack. Our brave political leaders and fearless generals delivered the Islamisists an undeniable message that terror is absolutely unacceptable under any circumstance. When the terror stops they might get their country back, it’s that simple people!

Some mistakenly argue that since a majority of the 9-11 perpetrators were Saudi Arabians (15 of the 19), including 9-11 terror mastermind Bin Laden (who methodically a plotted the brazen attacks on his laptop in an Afghan cave between his dialysis treatments), the U.S. should have instead bombed Saudi Arabia. Had the U.S. done so, diplomatic relations and countless high-dollar contracts would have been jeopardized. The Bush family, high officials in the Bush (and now Obama) administration, oil and gas corporations, and military defense contractors (who were supplying the Saudis with weapons, missile systems, and critical infrastructure protections) would have suffered severe economic harm as a result of a Saudi invasion. Invading Saudi Arabia would have also likely disrupted oil production leading to skyrocketing gas prices which would have negatively affected the U.S. economy. What’s good for business is good for America.

Muslim countries are pretty much interchangeable as each is a proxy for the overarching terrorist mindset that has infested their religion and culture, thus making it perfectly acceptable to invade any, or all of them. When the terror attacks stop, the U.S. soldiers and corporate mercenaries may or may not come home depending on the attitude of the Muslim people, among other factors (e.g., the full depletion of all natural resources, global opium demand forecasting, oil and gas pipeline completion timetables, and regional stability guaranteeing the safety and secured hegemonic status of our greatest ally, Israel.) In other words, don’t hold your breath, Achmed!

Like it or lump it Muslim people, America is in it for the long haul in the War of Terror®. President Obama has boldly demonstrated his commitment to forcefully restore peace in the Middle East and Afghanistan, and to protect the homeland from crazed jihadists. Through the implementation of innovative homeland security measures (i.e., increased government surveillance, restrictions on free speech,  eroding terrorist friendly 4th Amendment protections, and the deployment of the Internet kill-switch), Obama has put every American back into the national security driver’s seat.

The Clash of Civilizations will result in an eventual victor, and it will not have an Islamic face. Osama bin Laden and his jihadist fly-boys should have thought of that before they single-handedly perpetrated the 9-11 attacks (without any help from the neo-con cabal, rogue members of the military-intelligence community, or foreign intelligence services and their domestic allies). Know this – the Christian/Judeo monotheistic religion tag-team can not, and WILL NOT, be beaten.

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Here is a link to a list of  tin-foil hat conspiracy nuts who question the government’s official position on 9-11. Although they once held high ranking positions in the U.S. government and military, their hatred of America has muddled their critical-thinking faculties. The list of unpatriotic scumbags includes: Max Cleland (former U.S. Senator – GA), Louis Freeh (former FBI Director), General Albert Stubblebine (U.S. Army – Ret), Ray McGovern, and many other unhinged and reality-detached individuals. They put our country at risk by spouting off their idiotic hate America first nonsense. Have pity on their souls, as they are doing the Devil’s work by attacking the Shining City on the Hill (American Providence).

05
Aug
10

The Immaculate Conception/Virgin Birth dogma distinction

I wish to clear up a commonly held misconception regarding the Roman Catholic doctrine known as the Immaculate Conception. A vast number of individuals hold the belief that the IC and the Baby Jesus Virgin Birth are interchangeable historical/mythical events. The late (for what?) and immeasurably great George Carlin recently disabused me of this erroneous notion. The IC and Virgin Birth are distinguished as follows (Wikipedian sources):

The Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary without any stain (“immacula” in Latin) of original sin.  From the first moment of her existence, Mary was preserved by God from the lack of sanctifying grace that afflicts mankind and that she was instead filled with divine grace. It is further said by Catholics that she lived a life completely free from sin [except for that one time in a 8-jet jacuzzi]. Belief in Mary’s immaculate conception in the womb of her mother, through sexual intercourse, should not be confused with the doctrines of the virginal conception of her son Jesus, known as the Annunciation and the Virgin Birth.

The Virgin birth of Jesus is a tenet of Christianity and Islam which holds that Mary miraculously conceived Jesus while remaining a virgin.

The gospels of Matthew and Luke [straight shooters according to their many contemporaries] say that Mary was a virgin and that Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit.  These gospels, later tradition and current doctrine present Jesus’ conception as a miracle involving no natural father, no  sexual intercourse, and no male seed in any form, but instead brought about by the Holy Spirit. [Intact hymen + Holy Spirit seed absorption = Jesus.]

26
Jun
10

Philip K. Dick and the Blessed Sacrament

Excerpted from Philip K. Dick’s 1981 science fiction novel VALIS (chapter 12):

I remembered back to an incident-more than an incident-involving my son Christopher. In March 1974 during the time that VALIS overruled me, held control of my mind, I had conducted a correct and complex initiation of Christopher into the ranks of the immortals. VALIS’s medical knowledge had saved Christopher’s physical life, but VALIS had not ended it there.

This was an experience which I had treasured. It had been in utter stealth, concealed even from my son’s mother.

First I had fixed a mug of hot chocolate. Then I had fixed a hot dog on a bun with the usual trimmings;  Christopher, young as he was, loved hot dogs and warm chocolate.

Seated on the floor in Christopher’s room with him, I-or rather VALIS in me, as me-had played a game. First, I jokingly held the cup of chocolate up, over my son’s head; then, as if by accident, I had splashed warm chocolate on his head, into his hair. Giggling, Christopher had tried to wipe the liquid off; I had of course helped him. Leaning toward him, I had whispered:

“In the name of the Son, the Father, and the Holy Spirit.” No one heard me except Christopher. Now, as I wiped the warm chocolate from my hair, I inscribed the sign of the cross on his forehead. I had now baptized him and now I confirmed him; I did so, not by the authority of the church, but by the authority of the living plasmate in me: VALIS himself. Next I said to my son, “Your secret name, your Christian name, is-” And I told him what it was. Only he and I are ever to know; he an I and VALIS.

Next, I took a bit of bread from the hot dog bun and held it forth; my son-still a baby, really-opened his mouth like a little bird, and I placed the bit of bread on it. We seemed, the two of us, to be sharing a meal; an ordinary simple, common meal.

For some reason it seemed essential-quite crucial-that he take no bite of the hot dog meat itself. Pork could not be eaten under these circumstances; VALIS filled me with this urgent knowledge.

As Christopher started to close his mouth to chew on the bit of bread, I presented him with the mug of warm chocolate. To my surprise-being so young he still drank normally from his bottle, never from a cup-he reached eagerly to take the mug; as he took it, lifted it to his lips and drank from it, I said, “This is my blood and this  is my body.”

My little son drank, and I took the mug back. The greater sacraments had been accomplished. Baptism, then confirmation, then the most holy sacrament of all, the Eucharist: Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper.

“The Blood of out Lord Jesus Christ, which was shed for thee, preserve thy body and soul unto everlasting life. Drink this in remembrance that Christ’s blood was shed for thee, and be thankful.”

This moment is most solemn of all. The priest himself has become Christ who offers his body and blood to the faithful, by a divine miracle.

Most people understand that in he miracle of transubstantiation the wine (or warm chocolate) becomes the Sacred Blood, and the wafer (or bit of hot dog bun) becomes the Sacred Body, but few people even within the churches realize that the figure who stands before them holding the cup is their Lord, living now. Time has been overcome. We are back almost two thousand years: we are not in Santa Ana, California, USA, but in Jerusalem, about 35 C.E.

What I ad seen in March 1974 when I saw the superimposition of ancient Rome and modern California consisted of an actual witnessing of what is normally seen by the inner eyes of faith only.

My double-exposure experience had confirmed the literal – not merely figurative – truth of the miracle of the mass.

As I have said, the technical term for this is anamnesis: the loss of forgetfulness; which is to say, the remembering of the Lord and the Lord’s Supper.

I was present that day, the last time the disciples sat at table. You may believe me; you may not. Sed per spiritum sanctum dico; haec veritas est. Mihi crede et mecum in aeternitate vivebis.

My Latin is probably faulty, but what I am trying to say, haltingly, is: “But I speak by means of the Holy Spirit; that is so. Believe me and you shall live with me in eternity.”

13
Apr
10

Wilhelm Reich in Hell – Robert Anton Wilson

Excerpt from Wilhelm Reich in Hell (Act I)

(The scene: Wilhelm Reich is on trial in Hell. The trial looks in all respects like a 3-ring circus, complete with jugglers, acrobats, fire-eaters, etc. The prosecuting attorneys are the Marquis de Sade and Count von Sacher-Masoch, both of whom are dressed as clowns. The Ringmaster (Satan) presides as judge.

Early on in the trial, Dr. Reich introduced as evidence a Computer which continually monitors the growth of the worldwide nuclear weapons stockpile. The Computer emits an ear-splitting whistle every time there is an increment in firepower equivalent to the original Hiroshima bomb…..)

SADE: Why did you rebel against Freud?

REICH: (slowly) I rebelled against Freud because he was a coward.

The Computer whistles again.

SADE: A coward? The man who challenged all the taboos of his age?

REICH:He back-tracked, he evaded, he weaseled. He would not say flatly what his theories all implied.

The Computer whistles again.

SADE: (shouting over whistle) You mean he did not share your Utopian fantasies.

REICH:Look at the photos of him; look at that jaw.

The Computer whistles again.

REICH:Look at his expression, those clenched teeth. He was holding back — and I tell you, all of you, that is why he got cancer of the jaw finally. He wouldn’t speak what he knew. He held it in, behind those clenched teeth, until it killed him.

SADE: And what is the truth Freud dared not speak?

REICH:Everybody knows it by now. Look at the crime news on TV —

Computer whistles again.

REICH:or go into the emergency clinics and talk to the rape victims. Talk to the battered wives and the abused children. Our whole species is mad, emotionally plagued. We have been mad so long that every attempt to break out of the Trap just unleashes unconscious rage and increases the violence.

Computer whistles again.

REICH:We all know we’re in the Trap, but nobody knows how to get out of it. We attack each other thinking that’s the way out.

SADE: What? That is the truth Freud dared not speak? I thought he said all that in Civilization and its Discontents.

REICH:He would not say there was a way out of the Trap — one way only —

SADE: Your way, of course.

REICH:The way I discovered, gradually, after many mistakes.

SADE: Which is?

REICH:Work on the breathing and the muscle tensions. And tell people frankly that there is no metaphysical Good and Evil in the human world any more than there is in the animal world or the chemical world or the physical world of gravity and mass.

SADE: Hedonistic materialism, in short. The permissive society.

REICH:Not permissiveness. Sanity. If a child is a nuisance, tell him so. Tell him his behavior is annoying. But never, never make a metaphysical moral issue out of it. Never, never say anything is sinful or wrong in a cosmic sense. Never pass on the lunacey, the Emotional Plague, that has come down to us from ages of superstition and barbarism.

SADE: A world without morals. Anarchy. That is what you mean?

REICH: It is not anarchy. It is what every person with an ounce of sanity knows. Nobody is to blame for anything. We are all in the mess together because our ancestors were mad and a mad society has passed on their repression from generation to generation.

SADE: And the things I did before I was brought here and cured? They were not Evil?

REICH: You enjoyed feeling Evil because it made you seem heroic. The humiliating truth, Marquis, is that you were merely ill.

SADE: And Hitler was merely ill?

REICH: That is the horror of the situation. We all know it by now, but we cannot remember. We repress it and go on blaming one another — we forget what we know, because remembering it means remembering that we are robots, too — that we have all been crippled in different ways by trying to live in the imaginary world of morals instead of the real world of nature.

SADE: So we just teach people how to breathe properly and relax their muscles and we will have Utopia?

REICH: No. I never said it was that easy. I said it was almost impossible, but we had to try, if there was to be any chance of survival at all. Removing the Emotional Plague is just like removing bubonic plague. It will take decades of work all over the world by thousands of specialists. But if we don’t try —

Computer whistles again.

REICH: We must understand that every moral idea is strictly a hallucination. It creates guilt which creates muscular tension, which creates rage. That leads to further armoring, to hold the rage in. That leads to all the psychosomatic illnesses that orthodox medicine can’t cure and to all the social pathologies around us. Rape. Child-beating. War.

Computer whistles again.

REICH: (excited, beginning to harangue) You compared me to Rousseau. Yes, in the Age of Reason, he had to recreate the myth of Eden again; he called it the Noble Savage. A hundred years later, Marx had to recreate it: he called it the primitive matriarchy, before private property. Eden is always recreated, because we know there is a natural grace and a natural way of life we have lost. We lost it through the invention of Good and Evil. As soon as we believed we were sinners, the Trap closed on us. We accepted the sin and punished ourselves. Or we projected the sin outward and punished scapegoats.

Computer whistles again.

REICH: (rage bursting through) Masochism or sadism — those were the only choices once we believed in Good and Evil, once we believed in Sin. We are animals. We are no more guilty than a dog, a cat, a horse, a chipmunk. Everybody has known it since Darwin. But we are still in the Trap.

SADE: You really hate the Morality that caused you to kill your parents.

REICH: It is causing the whole human race to kill its children! We cannot see what we are doing. We have been robbed blind by our damned Morality.

SADE turns away sharply.

SADE: Your Almightiness, the prosecution rests. We believe it is obvious, out of his own mouth, that the defendant is a menace to civilization as we know it.

REICH: Wait! Do you know why that moment in nature is so precious, that moment of peace and oneness?

RINGMASTER: The defendant will not speak at this time.

REICH: It is a moment beyond Good and Evil!

RINGMASTER: You can argue that later. Fifteen minute recess. Then we will hear the case for the defense. (He rises)

The Computer whistles three times rapidly.

MASOCH: All rise!

Houselights up. As audience starts to leave, REICH begins addressing them.

REICH: Listen to me a moment! That moment of peace, that moment in Nature, beyond Good and Evil — that is the essence of us. Our core. Our true selves. We normally never feel it because —

RINGMASTER: Clear the Court!

REICH: because our muscles hold it down. Our muscles are chronically tense, it is so chronic that we never notice it. We only notice the peace when on a rare moment the tension relaxes. What do you think the Drug Culture is all about? Relaxing the muscular armor, getting rid of that tension for a few hours, or a few moments.

ACROBATS go down into the audience and persuade people to leave. They are very polite, like well-trained policemen, and become very threatening (in a polite way) with those unwilling to leave while REICH is still talking.

REICH: We are diseased — dis-eased. We have lost touch with natural feeling. When the Life Force tries to break through the muscular armor, it gets deflected, I say, and comes out dis-eased and violent. That’s why all political revolutions fail. That’s why there are no political solutions. That’s why

RINGMASTER: Silence the defendant.

MASOCH and SADE “beat” REICH with bladders again and drag him offstage right.

REICH: (as he goes) You can’t feel naturally. You can’t see what you are doing, or what is being done around you. You are robots. Robots. All of you. All of you.

Curtain.

10
Mar
10

Why John Wayne Bobbitt is Hellbound

Photo courtesy of The Brick Testament

Deuteronomy 23:1

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD.”

The Holy Bible also has a way to deal with junk grabbing bitches:

Deuteronomy 25:11-12

If two men fight together, and the wife of one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of the one attacking him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; your eye shall not pity her.


23
Feb
10

Fundie Nutball Turdbucket of the Month – Bob Marshall (R)

From this article:

RICHMOND – Western Prince William Del. Bob Marshall, R-13th, says disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

He made that statement last Thursday at a press conference to oppose state funding for Planned Parenthood.

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” said Marshall, a Republican.

“In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”




Johnny Peepers

----> is a socio-pathetic degenerate with a penchant for cheap booze, ruphy-laden broads, and dim sum soup.

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