Archive for the 'Sexuality' Category

30
Sep
10

Rock ‘n’ Roll Ta-Tas and Naughty Bits

Ripe Melons and the Jimi Hendrix Experience

Blondie's Coked-Up Gash Flash


28
Sep
10

Johnny Peepers, Clay Aiken, and Jesus

Dillsnap Cogitations reader comment from bespeakme:

The funniest things about this site are the comments from people who appear to actually take this writer seriously- or – am I missing something? I mean are you folks for real? And the absolute funniest part, he affects this surreal and spiritual voice talking about Jesus and not having a job, and he blows his cover when the male element calls him a name like fuck face or ass wipe- and he starts getting all teenage testosteroney and swinging his fists around: “From the looks of your avatar, it is clear that you were stuck down the fat-headed gumshoe Cro-magnon flu.” Nonetheless, fairly entertaining. Hilarious use of the language.

Johnny Peepers is having a bit of a personality crisis as of late. This is only a problem in that he is not sure which direction to take Dillsnap Cogitations. My lifestyle has calmed down considerably and I am not doing nearly the amount of drugs that I used to (due to recent emergency room scares, extreme money woes, and lack of insurance).

I reckon that I dunno what to write about these days. Conspiracy-mongering is so 2008, and the feel-good, New-Agey tripe is even too kooky for me to discourse on with any consistency. I thought about doing vegan recipe reviews or maybe step-by-step instructional blog posts on risque´ topics like booty-bumping and auto-fellation, but I don’t want to scare away my kid readers. I even considered dedicating all future posts to my one true love, Clay Aiken, but that would make me look desperate and stalker-ish in his eyes.

I certainly plan to keep my relationship with Jesus a central focus of Dillsnap Cogitations. Were it not for his supreme sacrifice, all of humanity would be mired in a putrid bucket of sin and depravity (much like the conditions experienced by residents of New Jersey and Mississippi).


Jesus and his vengeful, sky god daddy (YWEH) have a divine plan for me. This plan includes me taking to my knees daily and mouthing pleasing words to the MOST HIGH, prostrating myself before the Lord in diligent obeyance, and ridding my mind of lusty and impure thoughts about men and women that I find sexually attractive. I will do my best to provide frequent updates with regards to the latter. Any advice or blog topic recommendations would be greatly appreciated these days.

Yours in Crisco,

Johnny Peepers

03
Jun
10

Sack Tapping: Silly Teenage Fad or Social Engineering Conspiracy?

‘Sack Tapping’ — A Schoolyard Game Turned Ugly (ABC NEWS)

Doctors Report Growing Fad: Boys Hit Each Other in Genitals, Post Video Online

Gone are the days when bullies gave mere wedgies. The newest fad in schoolyard violence? A quick slap to the testicles. In the game of “sack tapping” or “ball tapping,” as it is called, a boy will try to slap or flick the groin of another boy to inflict discomfort or pain. The “game” has gotten out of hand, however, according to Dr. Scott Wheeler, a pediatric urologist. In recent years he’s seen an increasing number of young boys coming in with serious damage to the testicles because of a “tap” that hit too hard. “For some reason, [this game] is popular,” Wheeler says. “It’s not just bullies, it’s kids doing it to their friends. It’s rare that bullies target the testicles, they just beat up people.”

A search on YouTube reveals hundreds of videos of young boys, teens, and even members of the U.S. Navy, catching a friend (or enemy) unaware with a quick punch or slap to the genitals. There’s even a “Judge Judy” mock court case involving a 12-year-old “sack tapper” posted to the site. In some cases, trauma sustained by sack tapping can be severe enough to rupture a testicle, an injury that can require surgery or even the amputation of the testicle, says Wheeler.This fad is no joke, Wheeler says, “It’s just ridiculous that boys are doing this.”

“The testicle is protected by a fibrous capsule. The force has to be fairly quick and really hard to break that capsule,” he says. “You can fix a tear in the testicle, but if it’s ruptured bad you have to remove the testicle because the tissue will die and cause infection.”

The fad of sack tapping may be escalating thanks to the numerous videos of it on the Internet. “It’s a snowball effect. A kid sees it on the Internet. His little brother sees him doing and does it at his school. I see boys in elementary, junior high, and high school coming in with these injuries,” he says. “Parents need to talk to their kids about this, and hopefully that will have an impact,” Wheeler says.

“Guys are very attached to their testicles, obviously. If more guys knew that people were having ruptures, perhaps the back and forth of this would die out.”

Johnny Peeper’s commentary:

The hastening moral implosion of our seemingly advanced civilization is fast upon us. Who is behind this horrific testicle destruction meme? The social engineers tasked with implementing global depopulation measures are one likely culprit. The purveyors of the homosexual agenda are another. Could a rogue faction of urologists and andrologists be behind this fad in a sickening profit-driving scheme? Could all of these nefarious forces be conspiring together to turn the next generation of potential fathers into impotent buggerers with ruptured testes requiring expensive medical care?

There is also the remote possibility that “sack tapping” is a Darwinian devolution process, nature’s rejection of anthropocentric arrogance. When I was a young man, testicular safety was a paramount concern. The very thought of allowing a potential sexual competitor to attack my sacred juice-berries in a contest of moronic pseudo-bravery is inconceivable. What is next, clitoral twisting? Cervix puncturing?  In the words of the Australian-born motivational speaker, dietitian, personal trainer, and author Susan Powter, we must “STOP THE INSANITY!

It is my desperate prayer that today’s teenage boys and young men come to their senses regarding this destructive practice. The disabled testicle that was violently slapped could have ushered forth the seed that created you, or a loved one. To borrow (in slightly altered form) from the great Monty Python, every testicle is sacred. Every spherical scrotal inhabitant is a precious gift from our Creator, requiring diligent protection and care.

The war on “ball tapping” must advance in the Marketplace of Ideas. The Internet is the selected battleground. I charge the tech-savvy youngsters who care about their testicular health to litter the YouTube with videos advocating family jewel protection. Our next generation is at stake.

07
May
10

Anti-Gay Industry Shrink Exposed: George “Long Stroke” Rekers RentBoy Revelations

From the Miami New Times:

The male escort hired by anti-gay activist George Alan Rekers has told Miami New Times the Baptist minister is a homosexual who paid him to provide body rubs once a day in the nude, during their ten-day vacation in Europe.

Rekers allegedly named his favorite maneuver the “long stroke” — a complicated caress “across his penis, thigh… and his anus over the butt cheeks,” as the escort puts it. “Rekers liked to be rubbed down there,” he says.

In the past 24 hours, Rekers, a board member at the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) and cofounder of the Family Research Council, has claimed that he took Lucien to Europe to inspire him to accept Jesus into his heart and renounce his homosexuality.

In addition to his noble goal of saving a Sodomite’s lost soul, Rekers also claimed to have secured the services of Jo-Vanni Roman (aka Lucien) to tote his luggage on the ten-day European trip. Roman’s profile on the gay male prostitute website RentBoy.Com described physical attributes that undoubtedly made him perfect for the job: “smooth, sweet, tight ass” and a “perfectly built 8 inch cock.” I am sure Roman’s pics sealed the deal for Rekers. Amusingly enough, Rekers is the author of a (fictional?) book titled “Growing Up Straight: What Families Should Know About Homosexuality. ” Come out of the closet Georgie, we love for you who you are, not where you stick it!

Reker’s Re-Butt-al (posted on ProfessorGeorge.Wordpress.Com)

24
Feb
10

French Anti-Smoking Ad Trivializes Teen Sex Abuse

(Source)

French advertising companies are often criticised for using sexual images to sell everything from designer spectacles to sweetcorn. Now, for the first time, a controversy has erupted in France over the use of sexually suggestive posters as a deterrent.

A campaign to discourage young people from smoking shows male and female teenagers kneeling in front of a man, as if being forced to have oral sex. A cigarette takes the place of the man’s sexual organ. The caption reads: “Smoking is to be a slave to tobacco.”

The campaign, which was devised for a pressure group supporting the rights of non-smokers, has been attacked as “scandalous” and “potentially counter-productive” by feminist and pro-family campaigners.

23
Feb
10

Fundie Nutball Turdbucket of the Month – Bob Marshall (R)

From this article:

RICHMOND – Western Prince William Del. Bob Marshall, R-13th, says disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

He made that statement last Thursday at a press conference to oppose state funding for Planned Parenthood.

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” said Marshall, a Republican.

“In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”

17
Dec
09

Do Sexbots Dream of Erotic Peeps?

I cleaned the gutters, washed the car, and did the dishes. Will there be anything else?

Excerpted from Sexbots Will Give Us Longevity Orgasm:

The Sexbots are coming, and we will cum with them. Three times a week or whatever our physician / longevity coach recommends. Because orgasms — particularly the hormone-exploding O’s we’ll enjoy with carnal cyborgs — are excellent for our mental and physical health.

Remember the most convulsive, brain-ripping climax you ever had? The one that left you with “I could die happy now” satiety? Sexbots will electrocute our flesh with climaxes twice as gigantic because they’ll be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices. Sexbots will heighten our ecstasy until we have frothy, shrieking, bug-eyed, amnesia-inducing orgasms. They’ll offer us split-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes — this will all be ours when the Sexbots arrive.

Sure, we generally prefer sex with live partners, but the desired one is often unavailable or inadequate. Sexbots will never have headaches, fatigue, impotence, premature ejaculation, pubic lice, disinterest, menstrual blood, jock strap itch, yeast infections, genital warts, AIDS/HIV, herpes, silly expectations, or inhibiting phobias. Sexbots will never stalk us, rape us, diss us on their blog, weep when we dump them, or tell their friends we were boring in bed. Sexbots will always climax when we climax if we press that little button on their butt.




Johnny Peepers

----> is a socio-pathetic degenerate with a penchant for cheap booze, ruphy-laden broads, and dim sum soup.

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