President Obama Threatened to Murder Jonas Brothers With Targeted Drone Attack

During his speech at the recent White House Correspondents’ Dinner, President Obama uttered the following words:

The Jonas Brothers are here; they’re out there somewhere. Sasha and Malia are huge fans; but boys, don’t get any ideas. Two words for you: predator drones. You will never see it coming. You think I’m joking?

It is shocking to me that the President of the United States would brazenly joke about liquidating our Nation’s greatest musical treasure. The Jonas Brothers are a gift from GOD (aka Disney) and all should cherish the sanctity of their precious lives. Their songs, especially “When You Look Me In The Eyes” and “Baby Bottle Pop Theme Song”, are revered anthems that comprise the soundtrack of the lives of countless struggling adolescents (and grown-ups like me) trying to make sense of an insane world.

One could infer from President Obama’s words that the Jonas Brothers are a loathsome band of child molesters (the First Children are both under the age of 12 and the youngest Jonas Brother is 17). Given that these men are quite obviously buggerers (their mere presence overpowering numerous gaydar installations), I seriously doubt the Jonas Brothers constitute the slightest sexual threat to females (of any age).

Mr. President, please preserve your remote-controlled instruments of wanton destruction for those more deserving than these musically-gifted choco-starfish afficionados (i.e., Muslim wedding party and funeral attendees, street market shoppers, non-combatants, women, children, and the occasional terrorist).

We Ain't After the Sweet Stank...Only the Hairy, Sweaty, Brown DANK!!!

18 Responses to “President Obama Threatened to Murder Jonas Brothers With Targeted Drone Attack”

  1. 1 Sal Frascino
    May 8, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    You need to get off the Pot . He was funning around like all proud Fathers about Boys . You do not have a Daughter I gather from your story. Poor you.

    Go President Obama.

    I am a proud Father of Two increadible young Girls. I get it

    Mr. Sal Frascino
    A Proud American
    A Proud Father

  2. May 15, 2010 at 1:35 am


    Thank you for expressing your bold opinion. You are right, my dope-addled brain has a tendency to cause me to overreact to seemingly pedestrian statements by our leaders. I do not have children and cannot sympathize with your plight. You (and countless breeders like yourself) are the bedrock of American civilization, and heretofore, will be revered as such.

  3. 3 buyticketsite
    May 20, 2010 at 1:09 am

    President Obama’s joke about the Jonas Brothers was in poor taste,They aren’t pedophiles.The Jonas Brothers are also Christians who earned national attention by wearing “purity rings” to signify their commitment to abstain from premarital sex.This drone joke.Was NOT FUNNY to me.
    The Jonas Brothers are disney kids just young boys themselves,

  4. May 20, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    If the JBs are Christian pre-marital sex abstainers I am Dwayne Johnson (a.k.a. The Rock, a.k.a. The Tooth Fairy).

  5. May 28, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Ahhh…now if only Obama did kill the Jonas brothers that would just make my day.

  6. 6 Manco
    June 3, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Hhahng: What kind of sick, depraved mutt are you anyway? Are you aware of how much joy the Jonas Brothers have brought to the paradise that is Vietnam. How dare you wish evil and death upon them!

    Perhaps the real issue here is you secretly desire to be one of the Jonas Brothers. You wish to have their manufactured good looks, hair products, sexual conquests of Disney starlets and, most of all, their fame. You want thousands to worship you, justified or not. Instead, you reside in this sad little corner of the internets and rejoice in death threats.

    I’m going to turn the tables on you, little one. Yes, indeed. If only Obama will kill you. Now that would just make my day. Find me a mountain so that I may climb to the very most top and yell to the heavens for your untimely demise.

  7. 7 Manco
    June 3, 2010 at 11:11 am

    And the Jonas Brothers are no more Christians than I am. And who could blame the little bastards. If I had access to the sweet smelling teenage muff that Disney churns out I’d be banging young beaver like a man possessed, regardless of a goddamn purity ring.

  8. 8 Lina
    June 6, 2010 at 1:25 am

    LOL. Joking : it’s srs bznez.

    Maybe he should make a joke about your mom next time 🙂 Or dad, whichever.

  9. 9 dummidumbwit
    June 13, 2010 at 11:31 am

    Ha Ha!!! Obama is exposed again and I now am sure he was the right choice??Nuke the candy ass sixteen magazine centerfolds, McCain would’ve done something crazy like nuke GREGORIAN me thinks!!

  10. 10 Manco
    June 15, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Dummi: No one gives a fuck what you think.

  11. 11 Sal Frascino
    January 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    Johnny Peepers, your a funny guy……….But (Butt) Ugly……….I am happy to hear that you are not a Breeder……..Thank be the Lord………..Now have a nice day……..

  12. August 18, 2012 at 3:10 am

    o kaliteros einai o nick jonas. mou aresei poli kai einai koukklos.agapo ton nick jonas.

  13. 13 CeCe
    October 2, 2012 at 9:03 am


  14. 15 Anonymous
    July 5, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    Save Jonas Brothers

  15. 16 Emma
    September 15, 2013 at 9:39 am

    I know your our president I respect you but I’m a little ft racked out that our president would say that

  16. December 6, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Love them all they look pretty…..:)

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Johnny Peepers

----> is a socio-pathetic degenerate with a penchant for cheap booze, ruphy-laden broads, and dim sum soup.


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