There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo
There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pigshit and snot.
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat
There was a young lady from the Azores
Whose box was all covered with sores
And the dogs in the street
Wouldn’t bark at the meat
Whick hung in festoons from her drawers
There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew
Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you
There was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it
Two lesbians north of the town
Made sixty-nine love on the ground
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned
I once knew a man from France
His hands played about in his pants
When he tickled his taint
He penis got spraint
And his nards did a quick little dance
There once was a Senator from Mass
Who wanted a strange piece of ass
He lucked up and found it
But fucked up and drowned it
And now his future is past
In the garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had ‘em
Dillsnap Cogitations 
There once was a man from Pompeii
One day made a cunt out of clay
But the heat from his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away!
There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia
The color was fine.
And the likeness, sublime
But the aroma, that was a fail-ya
There once was a transvestite named Phil
Who took this magical wonder pill
His dick grew long with might
It doubled in size overnight
And now he ravages his close friend Will
You may think these limericks are crass
and throw me a comment to sass
but I will agree
to some degree
and I’ll still show you the crack of my ass
there oncw was a man from china
who wasnt a very good climba
he slipped on a rock
and cut of his cock
and now hes got a vagina.
there once was a man from leeds
who ate a packet of seeds
within the hour
his dick was a flour
and his balls were all covered in weeds
To Marie Antoinette whispered Montesquieu,
“Madame la Reine, do you want to squieu?
I’ll balance your powers
For hours and hours
Until I have bend your big cont a skew.”
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Complacently stroking his madam
And he thought with mirth
On the whole damned Earth
There were only two balls and he had ’em.
there once was a girl from peru/ who filled her vagina with glue/ she said with a grin/ They’ll pay to get in/ And they’ll pay to get out too.
The city’s new movie emporium,
Is more than a super-sensorium
It’s a highly effectual,
heterosexual
Mutual masturbatorium
There was an old Pirate named Bates
Who could do the Fandango on skates
But he fell on his cutlass
And now he is nutless
And not very useful on dates.
There once was a goblin from Glasgow
Who rode into town on a cat-cow
And he said with a smile as he spat out some bile
“The prick of noon’s in the hand of the dial”.
He’s a festering pustulent Lump
who looks like he’s trying to take a Dump!
He’s so full of shit he can’t walk,but can waddle
and he only answers to “the donald”
He’s an ignorant asshole named TRUMP!
My name is Melvin. In my entire 71 years I have never heard a Melvin limerick, so I wrote one myself.
There once was an old dork named Melvin,
Had a sweetheart whose name was Luellen,
He said that her twat
Was as big as a pot
She answered your meat is just elvin!
Lol
there once was a young lady from cue,
who filled her vagina with glue,
she said with a grin,
if they paid to get in,
they can pay to get out of it too.