Dirty Limericks

asimov There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo

There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pigshit and snot.
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat

There was a young lady from the Azores
Whose box was all covered with sores
And the dogs in the street
Wouldn’t bark at the meat
Whick hung in festoons from her drawers

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew
Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you

There was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it

fingersTwo lesbians north of the town
Made sixty-nine love on the ground
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned

I once knew a man from France

His hands played about in his pants

When he tickled his taint

He penis got spraint

And his nards did a quick little dance


There once was a Senator from Mass
Who wanted a strange piece of ass
He lucked up and found it
But fucked up and drowned it
And now his future is past

In the garden of Eden sat Adam,

Massaging the bust of his madam,

He chuckled with mirth,

For he knew that on earth,

There were only two boobs and he had ‘em

14 Responses to “Dirty Limericks”

  1. 1 stringtheoryrob
    February 10, 2011 at 12:24 am

    There once was a man from Pompeii
    One day made a cunt out of clay
    But the heat from his prick
    Turned the clay into brick
    And tore all his foreskin away!

  2. 2 DL Payne
    April 28, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    There once was a man from Australia
    Who painted his ass like a dahlia
    The color was fine.
    And the likeness, sublime
    But the aroma, that was a fail-ya

  3. 3 Stickman32335
    May 4, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    There once was a transvestite named Phil
    Who took this magical wonder pill
    His dick grew long with might
    It doubled in size overnight
    And now he ravages his close friend Will

  4. 4 Anonymous
    August 24, 2011 at 4:21 am

    You may think these limericks are crass
    and throw me a comment to sass
    but I will agree
    to some degree
    and I’ll still show you the crack of my ass

  5. 5 Anonymous
    October 8, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    there oncw was a man from china
    who wasnt a very good climba
    he slipped on a rock
    and cut of his cock
    and now hes got a vagina.

    there once was a man from leeds
    who ate a packet of seeds
    within the hour
    his dick was a flour
    and his balls were all covered in weeds

  6. 6 Philosophe
    January 6, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    To Marie Antoinette whispered Montesquieu,
    “Madame la Reine, do you want to squieu?
    I’ll balance your powers
    For hours and hours
    Until I have bend your big cont a skew.”

  7. 7 KayFlyte
    February 21, 2016 at 1:17 am

    In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
    Complacently stroking his madam
    And he thought with mirth
    On the whole damned Earth
    There were only two balls and he had ’em.

  8. 8 Anonymous
    October 11, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    there once was a girl from peru/ who filled her vagina with glue/ she said with a grin/ They’ll pay to get in/ And they’ll pay to get out too.

  9. 9 Mike
    January 12, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    The city’s new movie emporium,
    Is more than a super-sensorium
    It’s a highly effectual,
    Mutual masturbatorium

    There was an old Pirate named Bates
    Who could do the Fandango on skates
    But he fell on his cutlass
    And now he is nutless
    And not very useful on dates.

  10. 10 Anonymous
    March 20, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    There once was a goblin from Glasgow
    Who rode into town on a cat-cow
    And he said with a smile as he spat out some bile
    “The prick of noon’s in the hand of the dial”.

  11. 11 Anonymous
    March 25, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    He’s a festering pustulent Lump
    who looks like he’s trying to take a Dump!
    He’s so full of shit he can’t walk,but can waddle
    and he only answers to “the donald”
    He’s an ignorant asshole named TRUMP!

  12. 12 Melvin Quinney
    November 3, 2019 at 2:18 pm

    My name is Melvin. In my entire 71 years I have never heard a Melvin limerick, so I wrote one myself.

    There once was an old dork named Melvin,
    Had a sweetheart whose name was Luellen,
    He said that her twat
    Was as big as a pot
    She answered your meat is just elvin!

  13. 14 Anonymous
    May 28, 2020 at 4:42 am

    there once was a young lady from cue,
    who filled her vagina with glue,
    she said with a grin,
    if they paid to get in,
    they can pay to get out of it too.

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Johnny Peepers

----> is a socio-pathetic degenerate with a penchant for cheap booze, ruphy-laden broads, and dim sum soup.


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